Help Wanted @ City Hall

It is with a heavy heart we post this notice. As of Friday Wilkes-Barre City’s former spokes joke, Municipal Affairs Manager Drew Mc-Laugh-Lin has left the city, according to several sources who asked not to be identified. The reason given for Mc-Laugh-Lin’s departure was to pursue law school. Imagine our surprise, Drew Mc-Laugh-Lin a Liar…

At any rate the city is now stuck between a rock and a hard place, as Drew leaves behind an unfillable void at City Hall. After all many of us still have no idea what his job description was, what he actually did, or why he was hired in the first place, but that aside we @ WUWB are attempting to help, by offing the FREE online job posting below, in an effort to assist the city in its nationwide candidate search, as they try desperately to fill Drew’s shoes.

JOB TITLE:

Municipal Affairs Manager

JOB DESCRIPTION:

The Affairs Manager’s role is to manage any and all affairs that may or may not be happening, known, discovered, captured on film, recorded, or otherwise, real or imaginary within the City of Wilkes-Barre.

ROLE AND RESPONSIBILITIES: 

• Lead staff having or planning to have affairs.
• Work with all media outlets to mislead, misdirect, or cause to cover up any and all affairs.
• Oversee all affairs, and document thoroughly in the event blackmail is required.  
• Develop and implement policies regarding media relations that will confuse, diminish, or deter members of the press from seeking to uncover any ongoing, or previously enacted affairs.

QUALIFICATIONS AND EDUCATION REQUIREMENTS:

Graduate of King’s Collage, with absolutely no previous work related experience whatsoever.

PREFERRED SKILLS:

• Must posses the ability to bend or spin facts, in an effort to conceal any and all affairs. 
• Must be related to Lie-A-Ton cronies, or have the ability to influence FBI, CIA, or any other investigative power that may seek to bring down our ring of corruption.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

From time-to-time your moral compass will be tested, so please possess the ability to either turn it off, or not possess one at all.

Interested parties are encouraged to apply in-person at Wilkes-Barre City Hall, 40 E Market St Wilkes-Barre, PA or meet TML at any one of his favorite watering holes.

We look forward to hearing from you, as The City of Wilkes-Barre is an equal opportunity employer.

Wake Up Wilkes Barre